I most certainly cannot love another if I can't trust that person. Nor can I love another if I don't trust myself.
Ugh am I making sense? I don't know if it makes sense on paper, but it makes sense in my head...
Thursday, June 5, 2014
To love is to trust. To trust is to believe.
This is something I'm working on. Well, I honestly think a lot of people are working on this. What better can ruin love than distrust? Trust ties together all relationships. Trust is important in oneself and in others.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
The best thing for being sad...
“The best thing for being sad,"
replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your
anatomies, you may lie awake in the middle of the night listening to the
disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world
around you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the
sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it.
That is the only thing the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be
tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting."
(from The Sword and the Stone)
Perhaps I need to give this book another try... Merlyn speaks the truth.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Fear not.
Chris Hadfield's TED talk on his space walk
This was a great talk. It really was inspiring, as every TED talk has been so far, because it dealt with a concept that I (and probably most people) deal with rather consistently: fear. He spoke of how we can change the way we react by understanding the difference between perceived fear and actual danger. And he did this by giving an example of something a lot of people fear.
SPIDERS.
SCARY.
DANGEROUS.
Or are they?
He proceeded to talk about how many different types of spiders there are (around 700+ types?) and how many are actually venomous (maybe 12...maybe?). And then, he mentioned that in Canada (where he was giving the talk), there's only ONE spider you have to worry about.
The black widow spider. And then he talked about the possibility of walking into the web of a black widow spider and how it's almost an impossibility because they spin their webs close to the ground in corners.
Crazy right? Once knowledgeable, there's no reason to fear anymore. We have this instinct to frantically brush off a spider when, most of the time, they're as dangerous as a ladybug or a butterfly.
 |
| Come on, we all know this feeling. |
So, perceived fear vs. actual danger. This, like Hadfield said, can be applied to everything. While I don't think I'll be walking into spider webs to get over my fear of spiders (which is what his solution was...), I'll certainly be taking his advice to heart.
Thanks, Mr. Hadfield.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Beautiful Insignificance
I totally thought that I would get back to this post much sooner than I have. I don't really remember anymore when I last looked at this entry and contemplated what I was trying to form into words. However, perhaps it was the universe's way of allowing me more time to grow and then revisit my idea of "beautiful insignificance."
This is what I had already written:
So I was on my way back to school from home when I suddenly had a whole slew of random, possibly connected thoughts...
You know, I never feel as beautifully insignificant as when I'm traveling. Something about sitting in a moving vehicle as I pass and get passed by other moving vehicles... it kinda just...moves me (figuratively and literally...). I look out the window and see that other person, driving or sitting in the passenger's seat, and I think, here's another person on their way to something.
As I sat listening to the overly-played tunes and obnoxious, sometimes amusingly so, commercials, I realize others in their vehicles might be doing the same. Are they, too, contemplating the vastness of life or perhaps they're thinking of other thoughts entirely, more caught up in living than thinking about living. I wonder which is more important in life...or if they are equally important. How much of life is missed when you just contemplate on it? And how much awe is missed when you don't contemplate the beauty?
_________
This is how I feel sometimes when I have these thoughts. Mind. Blown.
but then...
I'm like... aw man... Where did my coherent, deep thought go?!
Anyway.
Sometimes I think I haphazardly have thoughts that have the possibility to hit on the intricacies of the human experience. And while I try to grab at them and form them into tangible thought, I often fail and only get a part. But is that so bad? Perhaps the bits and pieces I get are enough at the time.
Anyway, even after all this time (I think it's been at least a year since I've looked at what I wrote for this entry), my thoughts haven't really changed on the matter. I am still so in awe of the very fact that I'm alive and breathing on this planet. And I feel so small. I often think of other people, living in their worlds and feeling, as I do, that theirs is an important story. They may not realize it, but I'm almost certain their minds are focused on their own human experience. I can't help thinking about them while they're living. I wonder what they're feeling, how their day is going, what their story is. And it humbles me. It truly humbles me. It makes me remember that I am not the only consciousness on this planet. And this feeling connects me to other people in a way that nothing else does.
This is what I had already written:
So I was on my way back to school from home when I suddenly had a whole slew of random, possibly connected thoughts...
You know, I never feel as beautifully insignificant as when I'm traveling. Something about sitting in a moving vehicle as I pass and get passed by other moving vehicles... it kinda just...moves me (figuratively and literally...). I look out the window and see that other person, driving or sitting in the passenger's seat, and I think, here's another person on their way to something.
As I sat listening to the overly-played tunes and obnoxious, sometimes amusingly so, commercials, I realize others in their vehicles might be doing the same. Are they, too, contemplating the vastness of life or perhaps they're thinking of other thoughts entirely, more caught up in living than thinking about living. I wonder which is more important in life...or if they are equally important. How much of life is missed when you just contemplate on it? And how much awe is missed when you don't contemplate the beauty?
_________
This is how I feel sometimes when I have these thoughts. Mind. Blown.
but then...
I'm like... aw man... Where did my coherent, deep thought go?!
Anyway.
Sometimes I think I haphazardly have thoughts that have the possibility to hit on the intricacies of the human experience. And while I try to grab at them and form them into tangible thought, I often fail and only get a part. But is that so bad? Perhaps the bits and pieces I get are enough at the time.
Anyway, even after all this time (I think it's been at least a year since I've looked at what I wrote for this entry), my thoughts haven't really changed on the matter. I am still so in awe of the very fact that I'm alive and breathing on this planet. And I feel so small. I often think of other people, living in their worlds and feeling, as I do, that theirs is an important story. They may not realize it, but I'm almost certain their minds are focused on their own human experience. I can't help thinking about them while they're living. I wonder what they're feeling, how their day is going, what their story is. And it humbles me. It truly humbles me. It makes me remember that I am not the only consciousness on this planet. And this feeling connects me to other people in a way that nothing else does.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
A different canvas
I was watching this TED talk today (I've really been getting into them) in which an artist used something not so traditional as a canvas. (I'll let you watch it on your own if you wish).
Alexa Meade's canvas
And it made me think about how I typically view situations. Any situation a person is in can be perceived in a number of ways, just as art can be perceived in a number of ways, just as one can react in a number of ways. The struggle is when we can only see one course of action. We have blinders on and can't get out of the box. We can't, I can't, view a situation in any other light. What then? It's up to me to come out of it. We can choose how to see any situation we are in.
These thoughts actually have nothing to do with Alexa's message in her TED talk. But they certainly inspired them after watching it. Thanks, Alexa. =)
Alexa Meade's canvas
And it made me think about how I typically view situations. Any situation a person is in can be perceived in a number of ways, just as art can be perceived in a number of ways, just as one can react in a number of ways. The struggle is when we can only see one course of action. We have blinders on and can't get out of the box. We can't, I can't, view a situation in any other light. What then? It's up to me to come out of it. We can choose how to see any situation we are in.
These thoughts actually have nothing to do with Alexa's message in her TED talk. But they certainly inspired them after watching it. Thanks, Alexa. =)
Monday, May 26, 2014
Artists and Musicians
I've always claimed to love art and music. I mean, who doesn't love pretty pictures and wavelengths of sound that make their ears tingle? But despite the enjoyment I get out of them, I've never taken time to really absorb these works into my being. I can't tell you names of artists or recognize a piece of work. I can't tell you names of musicians whose compositions blow me away and move me to my very core.
Yesterday, I was at a dinner party for Memorial Day, and I met an older gentleman who was...well, he was full of life and love of life. He loved food. He loved art. And he loved rock and roll. As I sat talking with him, he showed me pictures of food he's tasted, restaurants he's been to. We even talked about Jiro, the famous sushi chef in Japan! He also showed me a book of paintings from the Frick collection. And it was then, flipping through the pages of that book, that I made my first (and I truly mean FIRST) discovery of an artist whose work moved me enough that I made note of his name.
Johannes Vermeer. The painting: Girl Interrupted at Her Music
The description talked about young love, hinted at through the painting in the background of Cupid with his hand raised. But what really caught me about this painting was the girl's expression. It's like Vermeer captured the very moment when her eyes began to light up from seeing the one she loved, but her smile had not yet caught up yet. I loved it.
This morning, I watched a TED talk and discovered again. An American musician this time by the name of Phil Kline. If you get the chance, you should listen to this piece called "The Blue Room." Beautiful. Truly.
Ethel quartet performs "The Blue Room"
Kline's pieces are described as sculptures, and from this performance, I couldn't agree more.
Yesterday, I was at a dinner party for Memorial Day, and I met an older gentleman who was...well, he was full of life and love of life. He loved food. He loved art. And he loved rock and roll. As I sat talking with him, he showed me pictures of food he's tasted, restaurants he's been to. We even talked about Jiro, the famous sushi chef in Japan! He also showed me a book of paintings from the Frick collection. And it was then, flipping through the pages of that book, that I made my first (and I truly mean FIRST) discovery of an artist whose work moved me enough that I made note of his name.
Johannes Vermeer. The painting: Girl Interrupted at Her Music
The description talked about young love, hinted at through the painting in the background of Cupid with his hand raised. But what really caught me about this painting was the girl's expression. It's like Vermeer captured the very moment when her eyes began to light up from seeing the one she loved, but her smile had not yet caught up yet. I loved it.
This morning, I watched a TED talk and discovered again. An American musician this time by the name of Phil Kline. If you get the chance, you should listen to this piece called "The Blue Room." Beautiful. Truly.
Ethel quartet performs "The Blue Room"
Kline's pieces are described as sculptures, and from this performance, I couldn't agree more.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
On painful experiences
I was watching Ted talks today. And maybe I'll go more into this at some other time. But this man said something profound to me. I wanted to share it here.
~Andrew Solomon: How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are
Then, he called all of us to do something. "Forge meaning, build identity, and then invite the world to share your joy."
I won't forget it.
Then, he called all of us to do something. "Forge meaning, build identity, and then invite the world to share your joy."
I won't forget it.
And here's the link to the talk itself. It really is inspiring.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Hello again!
So, I've been away for quite some time. And I'm back. I'm not sure how consistently I'll post, but certainly, as I have thoughts to write about, I will.
It's early morning as I write this, and everyone else is asleep. I'm looking out the window and I see the beautiful green grass in the morning light as the sun begins to cast its rays of yellow, warming all it touches. And I can't help but think about depressing things. I know. It's strange. I'm worried about our planet. I'm worried about our generation's future.
I took a class last semester on global climate change and it's changed me. My dreams for a hopeful future seem threatened by inaction, and by ignorance. I watched a video yesterday by Hank Green on climate change and at the end, he made a statement about not knowing why, despite what we know, we aren't moved to action. (It's a great video!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2Jxs7lR8ZI
I don't know either... I know these things, and perhaps it's lack of funds, inability to truly enact change on my own, comfort... I don't know.
But I'd like to change. And I'd like our world to become a better place.
It's early morning as I write this, and everyone else is asleep. I'm looking out the window and I see the beautiful green grass in the morning light as the sun begins to cast its rays of yellow, warming all it touches. And I can't help but think about depressing things. I know. It's strange. I'm worried about our planet. I'm worried about our generation's future.
I took a class last semester on global climate change and it's changed me. My dreams for a hopeful future seem threatened by inaction, and by ignorance. I watched a video yesterday by Hank Green on climate change and at the end, he made a statement about not knowing why, despite what we know, we aren't moved to action. (It's a great video!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2Jxs7lR8ZI
I don't know either... I know these things, and perhaps it's lack of funds, inability to truly enact change on my own, comfort... I don't know.
But I'd like to change. And I'd like our world to become a better place.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Monsters
Thoughts from a late night..
I was lying in bed, unable to sleep when these thoughts started flowing. I'm not sure if I can recreate them, but I think they were worth it for me to get down onto paper...or text...
When a person feels hurt by something, she will take automatic steps, sometimes acting against her own desires despite herself, to protect her heart. (And when I say "acting against her own desires despite herself"... do you ever the that feeling that you're setting yourself up to something that could end poorly if you keep on allowing yourself to go down that path of spiraling emotion? That's what I'm talking about. It's not like anyone really ever wants to go down that path but one automatically puts up defenses... and a potential spiral begins...) So anyway. Once this new protection has been made, if not realized immediately and taken down (this, I suppose I should clarify, is speaking of a person hurt by someone close: a parent, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend), it can cause a whole slew of possibilities... And yes, unfortunately I think I might be speaking from experience... One tries to reason with oneself, make oneself act in a certain way (Well, if she's going to be like that or if he's going to be like that, I'm just going to do it this way and I'll [and here's where it gets dangerous] see how they react or if they'll even notice!)
See, I think it's important to realize here that once you start forcing yourself to do something just to get a reaction (desired or undesired) from someone else, you have instantly, the very moment you decide to force yourself to think a certain way, created a negative emotion. A very negative emotion which can easily turn into a very negative monster.
 |
| You may think he's cute, and he might have good intentions... but he's gosh darn scary. |
Yeah. Not good. When this starts to happen, nothing except your desired outcome will satisfy you and even if it happens the way you want it to (which more than likely it won't) it won't be good enough for you because you'll find something else that is wrong. This leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering...
 |
| Sorry, couldn't resist, but I do love Yoda! |
It not only eats at you... it eats at everyone else too. It's horrifying because instead of releasing a negative monster, you've become a resentment monster. And that's really no good...
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Change
So I was watching a Taiwanese drama yesterday (yes, yes. A Taiwanese idol drama) and the lead actress had decided (oops spoiler alert? but then, most of you won't know which drama I'm talking about...) to cut her hair. Her really long, beautiful hair, in an instant, gone. Her reason? Change. She wanted to change. And what better way to start than with a new hairstyle? Of course, as in all Taiwanese dramas, drama ensues. However, what stuck me as very interesting was that change's beginning, at least for her, began with a change in appearance.
I'm not quite sure what I'm hitting on, but it seems to be a common theme. Change in appearance begins or marks the beginning of change in a person. Maybe most of you have already come to this realization, but it's something that has really resonated with me in these past few days. There's just something very liberating I guess about expressing, using your appearance, your desire for something else, something exciting, something new. Two winters ago, I needed a change.. a really big change and to start everything, I did it. I cut my hair. Just like this girl in the drama. And you know what? It was so freeing; I felt like I could fly, like a weight had been taken from my body (I guess it actually had...)
Anyway, I think a lot of change is about to happen in my life. Not sure how, but I guess that's the process of being a piece of jade undergoing refining..
(PS: Sorry if this post seems a bit redundant... I'm sure I'm unconsciously dancing around a very clear idea, but I just can't put my finger on it...)
I'm not quite sure what I'm hitting on, but it seems to be a common theme. Change in appearance begins or marks the beginning of change in a person. Maybe most of you have already come to this realization, but it's something that has really resonated with me in these past few days. There's just something very liberating I guess about expressing, using your appearance, your desire for something else, something exciting, something new. Two winters ago, I needed a change.. a really big change and to start everything, I did it. I cut my hair. Just like this girl in the drama. And you know what? It was so freeing; I felt like I could fly, like a weight had been taken from my body (I guess it actually had...)
 |
| OMGosh did I really cut off THAT much hair??? |
(PS: Sorry if this post seems a bit redundant... I'm sure I'm unconsciously dancing around a very clear idea, but I just can't put my finger on it...)
 |
| Makes me kinda sad.... |
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Plums?
Well, the past few days have put me in a glum mood... Hmm.. looking at the word "glum" reminds me of "plum" and plum is actually a pretty good color representation of my mood. It can be sad or happy depending on how you look at the color and I think, depending on the time of day, I can be sad or happy.
In any case, this glum..plum? mood has made me decide to make a list of all the things I'm aiming to do this summer. I've got either a little less than a month of it left.. or.. two more months! (There seems to be a lot of "or's" in my life currently...) So the first thing on my list is to become more fluent in Chinese. Well, that actually may be more of a goal for the entire year... I want to get into a Chinese Pedagogy program and for that, I'll need some pretty awesome Chinese skills, of which I'm currently a bit lacking. Granted my major was Chinese but, when not used every day, the fluency I had is slowly (rather quickly) slipping away.
The second thing on my list is to learn the ukulele! I have recently aquired a beautiful Luna ukulele,
and while I've never played before, it's the perfect four-stringed instrument for my smaller stature! And the strings aren't as rough on my fingers... I'm not much of a popular culture music person so I'm not quite sure what to learn... suggestions would be nice? I hope to get super good by the end of the summer so I can take it around and not have to pull out a laptop to be able to play a song...
Third! I NEED to get into shape. I'm by no means a large person, but as most people who know me know, I can barely run a mile without feeling the need to puke up any water I have previously taken in... (sorry for the slightly disturbing picture but I felt it was needed to emphasize just how much I need to get into shape). So! I'm going to come up with a regimen before the end of the week hopefully? To get started? Immediately? Or maybe I'll start next week... or the week after...Gah! I need motivation!
Fourth... I have a videogame. Yes! A videogame! Gaming is actually something I really rather enjoy however, I've often not had time to devote to them.. I love RPG's and I have also aquired, along with the ukulele, a GameCube! Without a TV... So hopefully this issue will be remedied in the next few days. The game is called Tales of Symphonia, and so far, it's.. awesome. Just.. So awesome. But then, I only got past the intro before I lost access to a TV...
Fifth on my list.. well I can't currently remember. But I suppose this is a pretty good list to start with. I actually only have evenings for free time to do these things.. OH! Fencing! That was my fifth =) I've got a certain someone who rather likes fencing and has invited me several times to learn but I was always studying! So! This summer, my goal is to get good enough at fencing to be a challenge or even beat said person in a match =)
There actually are many more things I hope to accomplish this summer and in the coming year, but I'm afraid those aren't going to make it on this list...as I can't remember all of them at the moment...
Til next time!
 |
| Happy Colored Plums! =D |
 |
| Sad Colored Plums =( |
The second thing on my list is to learn the ukulele! I have recently aquired a beautiful Luna ukulele,
 |
| Isn't it beautiful? |
Third! I NEED to get into shape. I'm by no means a large person, but as most people who know me know, I can barely run a mile without feeling the need to puke up any water I have previously taken in... (sorry for the slightly disturbing picture but I felt it was needed to emphasize just how much I need to get into shape). So! I'm going to come up with a regimen before the end of the week hopefully? To get started? Immediately? Or maybe I'll start next week... or the week after...Gah! I need motivation!
Fourth... I have a videogame. Yes! A videogame! Gaming is actually something I really rather enjoy however, I've often not had time to devote to them.. I love RPG's and I have also aquired, along with the ukulele, a GameCube! Without a TV... So hopefully this issue will be remedied in the next few days. The game is called Tales of Symphonia, and so far, it's.. awesome. Just.. So awesome. But then, I only got past the intro before I lost access to a TV...
Fifth on my list.. well I can't currently remember. But I suppose this is a pretty good list to start with. I actually only have evenings for free time to do these things.. OH! Fencing! That was my fifth =) I've got a certain someone who rather likes fencing and has invited me several times to learn but I was always studying! So! This summer, my goal is to get good enough at fencing to be a challenge or even beat said person in a match =)
There actually are many more things I hope to accomplish this summer and in the coming year, but I'm afraid those aren't going to make it on this list...as I can't remember all of them at the moment...
Til next time!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Introduck... well I was trying to come up with a title and then I realized adding the "k" would make "duck"
Hiii!
My name is Stephanie and I'm starting this blog without a real direction to go in. That may or may not change in the future... who knows? Direction or no direction... either might be good for me. I'm not really writing for any particular purpose other than to express my thoughts into a semi-cohesive...text? manner? frame? (I might be showing how my slight difficulty in expressing my thoughts works... I just can't think of the right word...)
I've recently realized that I actually picture emotions and feelings before I have words for them. It's really interesting. I don't think it's uncommon for people to express emotions as colors and perhaps one day, I should read about that. (If I do and anyone wants to read what I've found out, I'll make sure to post the link here.)
So perhaps you're wondering why the title of this.. text manner frame?... is "Rough Jade"? Well, I actually attempted this blog a while back and at that time, I had been doing a lot of growing. Apparently, jade undergoes a lot of refinement before becoming the beautiful piece of stone that it is and like a piece of unfinished jade, I was and still am undergoing much refinement. Thus perhaps this can be a recording of how I grow into who I am, and one day, I'll look back and see how far I've come.
I may not be the most eloquent of writers... or speakers... but I know that I do have eloquent, colorful emotions and thoughts that, if I'm able to capture them, may speak something to you and to my future self.
Or, I may not have those things at all and this will just be fun to try =)
~Stephanie
My name is Stephanie and I'm starting this blog without a real direction to go in. That may or may not change in the future... who knows? Direction or no direction... either might be good for me. I'm not really writing for any particular purpose other than to express my thoughts into a semi-cohesive...text? manner? frame? (I might be showing how my slight difficulty in expressing my thoughts works... I just can't think of the right word...)
I've recently realized that I actually picture emotions and feelings before I have words for them. It's really interesting. I don't think it's uncommon for people to express emotions as colors and perhaps one day, I should read about that. (If I do and anyone wants to read what I've found out, I'll make sure to post the link here.)
So perhaps you're wondering why the title of this.. text manner frame?... is "Rough Jade"? Well, I actually attempted this blog a while back and at that time, I had been doing a lot of growing. Apparently, jade undergoes a lot of refinement before becoming the beautiful piece of stone that it is and like a piece of unfinished jade, I was and still am undergoing much refinement. Thus perhaps this can be a recording of how I grow into who I am, and one day, I'll look back and see how far I've come.
I may not be the most eloquent of writers... or speakers... but I know that I do have eloquent, colorful emotions and thoughts that, if I'm able to capture them, may speak something to you and to my future self.
Or, I may not have those things at all and this will just be fun to try =)
~Stephanie
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