Monsters

So, here I am, about to have another potentially late night and I found a post that I had been working on a little while ago... so here it is...

Thoughts from a late night..

I was lying in bed, unable to sleep when these thoughts started flowing.  I'm not sure if I can recreate them, but I think they were worth it for me to get down onto paper...or text...

When a person feels hurt by something, she will take automatic steps, sometimes acting against her own desires despite herself, to protect her heart.  (And when I say "acting against her own desires despite herself"... do you ever the that feeling that you're setting yourself up to something that could end poorly if you keep on allowing yourself to go down that path of spiraling emotion?  That's what I'm talking about.  It's not like anyone really ever wants to go down that path but one automatically puts up defenses... and a potential spiral begins...)  So anyway.  Once this new protection has been made, if not realized immediately and taken down (this, I suppose I should clarify, is speaking of a person hurt by someone close: a parent, a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend), it can cause a whole slew of possibilities... And yes, unfortunately I think I might be speaking from experience... One tries to reason with oneself, make oneself act in a certain way (Well, if she's going to be like that or if he's going to be like that, I'm just going to do it this way and I'll [and here's where it gets dangerous] see how they react or if they'll even notice!)

See, I think it's important to realize here that once you start forcing yourself to do something just to get a reaction (desired or undesired) from someone else, you have instantly, the very moment you decide to force yourself to think a certain way, created a negative emotion.  A very negative emotion which can easily turn into a very negative monster.

You may think he's cute, and he might have good intentions... but he's gosh darn scary.

Yeah. Not good.  When this starts to happen, nothing except your desired outcome will satisfy you and even if it happens the way you want it to (which more than likely it won't) it won't be good enough for you because you'll find something else that is wrong.  This leads to anger, which leads to hate, which leads to suffering...

Sorry, couldn't resist, but I do love Yoda!

Actually, I wanted to say, anger leads to hate, which leads to resentment.  And let me tell you.  Of all the negative emotions out there... I think resentment might just be the coldest one.  It's horrifying.  It's worse than the negative monster.

It not only eats at you... it eats at everyone else too.  It's horrifying because instead of releasing a negative monster, you've become a resentment monster.  And that's really no good...